The Count Down Begins

     Well the date has been set and the count down can now begin. Tuesday I had another doctors appointment and I was given my surgery date. The big day will be August 17th. Now I almost said no to this date because as some of you may know about me family is very important to me and there is a family party on August 20th at my cousin Susan's house. It is always so much fun, she lives right on the lake and we re surrounded by woods couldn't be more beautiful. Come on, tell me this isn't paradise.

However I know that I have to have this done but i have a plan. If i get out of the hospital at that Thursday, I will still go and just sit in a nice comfy chair and heal in nature :-) .
     The next month is not going to be all that quiet either. I still have some hoops to jump through as well as continue to work on my weight loss. Since starting the journey I have lost a total of 35 pounds. 30 of them in the last month. I have started a walking regimen and every day I am at the gym with either George or Gus and sometimes both. I am hoping that will kick the weight loss into a higher gear. It is definitely a change getting up early again to hit the gym but I do not mind it at all. So what else do I have to do you say ?
     As some may remember from my last blog, I am too fat to get a stress test done, so I have to get clearance from a cardiologist. I have an appointment with the group in a couple of weeks. I have to make sure the oncologists fax's my clearance letter from him to the office since they never got it from a couple of months ago (Remember the concert scare?). Plus I have to return to the surgeons office next week with Gus so we can have a class on after care, that should be interesting LOL. I have to then go back one more time for consent signing, so I can't sue them if I die. I also have to go get more blood work done for pre admission testing. I feel like a pin cushion already, geez. I also have to go out and start getting vitamins and supplements. Turns out from my last blood work that i have low iron and vitamin A levels and i need to build them up before surgery. I say if they just would let me eat some red meat I would be OK. Burger anyone? Plus I have to be on vitamin b12 and a multi-vitamin. So after all this is done a new chapter of my Weightloss Diary of a Fat Man will begin.
      I have to sat that once I got the date i became both excited but more so nervous. I mean it is surgery and there are risks but there is more. This is nt like joining Weight Watchers again and saying this time it will be a lifestyle change. This is a permanent surgery and they are removing a large part of my stomach. I have to make sure I follow the plan. I guess I am asking myself can i do this for the rest of my life. Give up the comfort of foods I ran to my entire life. I spoke with one my surgeons about my cravings and he told me that although it is very difficult that some people say if you can resist long enough the cravings go away. But how long is long enough? Thankfully I have a great support system. Everyone has been very supportive, right down to getting me to update the blog. If its been to long my nephew Jonathan is on the phone asking me where the next chapter is? Here it is Jonny, OK get off my back!! LOL. And my friend Kendall called me yesterday asking me why my surgery date wasn't updated on my blog. All the well wishes and support I get from everyone who reads this helps me keep going and to for that I say thank you. Look out for more but for now I have to go walk the dog.

The Highs and The Lows

      It amazes me sometimes how we can be so happy with our accomplishments in life then all of a sudden out of the blue something happens to remind us of how far we have yet to go. That happened to me this week. As you may remember i lost 20 lbs in the first week of my super restrictive diet. That was amazing however what was more amazing was how I felt and what I could do now. A month ago I was winded from showering or from getting of the couch or walking up my stairs. The thought of going out and doing anything was daunting. I couldn't walk very far or stand very long without having to sit and rest my back. However the on 4th of July weekend Gus and I decided to go to the aquarium in Camden and I was the one actually pushing to go. The parking lot was a little bit of walk from the entrance and I felt old anxieties but i walked on and you know what? I COULD DO IT!! I walked all the way to the entrance around the corner from the lot and proceeded to go through the entire exhibit with just a couple of few minute breaks. I was having a great time out in the real world for the first time in a long long time. That evening we even went back out to watch the fireworks it was truly and Independence day for me.
      A couple of days after that after that I went to weigh in again now I was not expecting anywhere near my 20 lbs weight loss again but I was hoping for at least 5 lbs. To my surprise I was down 8 more pounds. I just knew that my surgery was going to be scheduled soon with the progress I was having. I figured on July 19th, I would go to the office having completed my last test(the stress test) on the Wednesday before, that they would scheduled it for me hopefully in August. Things were looking great. We even adopted a 4 month old saint bernard puppy named Toby. That would keep me busy and active for the next few weeks that's for sure.

  

      So now all i had to do was complete the stress test. Now not to be ironic however I was having serious stress over the stress test. I have never had it done before and although my mom was an old pro at them and told me it was no big deal, I still don't like unknown hospital tests. I get to the hospital this morning to take the test, I fasted and didn't have any caffeine (no big deal I an not allowed it on my diet anyway). A very nice nurse or tech comes and gets the lady before me and things seem ok. Then i see a very pensive looking odd guy come in with some paperwork and wouldn't you just know it, he was for me! "Mr. Walters ?" No i want the pleasant friendly woman please I thought to myself. Well off I went anyway and my fears are starting to come true. He stops at this locked door that has a key pad access and on it are warning signs all over saying radioactive material, hazardous!! That's it i am on the first thing moving out of here!! Be brave I tell myself i can do this. He stops in the middle of the doorway looking at my paperwork. This is your weight he says? Really?? Am i getting slack from this guy who looks like he was passed over on the part of Igor in Young Frankenstein. Yes that's correct. Well I am sorry we may not be able to do the test he says to me. there is a weight limit. He goes and checks but before he does he asks me if I can fit in the chair they draw blood in next to the door. Are you serious ??? Yes I can sit in your stupid chair! I hope the legs are strong i think to myself sarcastically. I wouldn't want to fall and go all the way through to China. Well low and be hold it turns out I can not take the test. I am TOO FAT for their machine! Are you kidding me ?? This is the main hospital for the bariatric centers surgery's. They send all there patients here to get the testing done, how could they possibly not have the right equipment. So, what I just leave I asked? yes and he pointed me out. Well thanks for nothing. I left with a half a feeling of relieve and the other half was frustration.
      Now what do I do. This is going to ruin everything. I will not have all my tests done and I am afraid they will not schedule the surgery. I called my dr.'s office right away and they are going to call around and get back to me. Now i am thinking will this affect my date to return to work, will my disability not be extended long enough, how long will this drag on for? I made the appointment for this test over a month ago. Will I have to wait this long again? All these questions and more will be answered on the next episode of SOAP. Sorry rambling and that probably didn't make any sense to my younger readers.  It was a TV show, Google it!
       So I know all journeys have their highs and lows and this is no different. It just that when you are riding really high, when the lows come they are that much more difficult to deal with. Stay Tuned.

One Hell of A Week

     For those of you following along on my journey, you may have gotten the impression that everything about this has been horrible and I am hating it. Well that's really not true. I have to say i LOVE my doctors and the support staff there. As of right now I am out on disability. Yes for being too fat! Can you believe it? Well it was interfering with my job, falling asleep at my desk, disheveled appearance from sweating on the walk into the office, etc. It was being brought up to me by my supervisors and they didn't want to see me being written up or worse. My doctors agreed and off on disability I went.
    My full time job now has been weight loss. The doctors were extremely concerned about my health. The stress i was living with everyday about worrying about losing my job and being sick was too much and pushed my normally not too bad blood pressure into the HOLY CRAP zone. I went from 140/82 to 185/105 in a few short weeks. Before I left the doctors office they  wanted me to speak to the nutritionist in their office to put me on their pre-op diet. I need to lose a significant amount of weight before they will even schedule the surgery. She was out that day but they made her call me on her day off to get this ball rolling.
     That evening i got a phone call from her and she was going over the new diet for me. I am sorry WHAT ?? I must have heard her wrong. You want me to replace two meals with protein shakes? I can only eat one meal a day and absolutely no starch with it? This was a nightmare for me. She said we needed to be very aggressive with the approach to help safe my life. Well how can I argue with that, I mean I am very important. So hear was how things were going to go. I had to go out and get a high protein low calorie protein shake mix and replace two meals a day with it. The third meal should be large salad and about 5 ounces of lean protein, turkey, chicken or fish(yeah right). No fish for me thank you. No snacks unless i absolutely need them. Well it turns out I absolutely needed them. However they were just that 2 small snacks a day like a handful of nuts or a fiber one bar.
       How was I going to do this? Doesn't she know I am addicted to food? But I had to try this and give it my all. I finally understood that this was my last chance. If i failed this i would slowly become someone  not ambulatory and eventually become bed ridden like the people i couldn't understand just a short time ago. The first couple of days were not that bad at all. I chalk that up to the excitement of trying something new. The shakes are pretty damn tasty too, chocolate of course. Everyone at home made it easier too. My partner Gus was doing it with me and my mom was not cooking and tried not to eat much in front of me. I told them both they did not have to restrict themselves because of me but they insisted. I must say this kind of support is more that anyone could ask for. It turns out what would bother me the most is the craving for food. Not being hungry, but just wanting to eat. I guess after a lifetime of eating whatever you wanted your mind gets use to the idea. I have found that chewing gum helps some. Not much but a little anyway and any tool i can use I will. Little did I know my biggest temptation was to come in the form of something small. My eight year old nephew!!!
      The other day, I was watching my 8 yo nephew and asked if he wanted me to make him lunch. He decided on Mac & Cheese, you know from the famous blue box. I made it for him and thought my God this smells good. I haven't had pasta or cheese in a few days and DAMN IT i want some. I held strong put half of it in his bowl and he had about 3 spoonfuls of it and was done. Now i had the task of throwing everything away and cleaning up. I sat in the chair in the living room afraid to even enter the kitchen. I knew i would lose control and there would be nothing to throw away anymore. I sent a 911 text to Gus, HELP FOOD EMERGENCY ..!! Well after some encouraging words from him i gathered all my strength and went into the kitchen. Now here is where i should tell you i was amazing and threw it all away with strength and poise. Mmmm weeellll thats not exactly how it happened. I knew i could not eat it all but i did want a taste. So I took one spoonful just to taste it and then threw it away. I proved to myself i could eat some and control myself from devouring everything in the kitchen like some sci-fi horror villain.
     So now my first week on the restrictive diet is coming to a close I am feeling a little better and moving more. So i decided to take a drive and get some exercise in my brother and sister in laws pool. My knee's tend to hurt when I to do much so i figured water would be the best place for me. It was a pretty chilly way to start the morning but after a while it was great and got a good workout in.

From here it was off to the weight watchers office. I wanted to weigh in and see how well this diet was working. I was hoping for a good number but preparing myself for a reality check. i was snacking on the nuts and bars throughout the week and i had that spoonful of processed crap in a box. So whatever happens I was going to be prepared. Well i was not prepared to hear that i had lost 20 pounds in one week! 20 pounds !!!!! Are you kidding me? What was I on the Biggest Loser? I was all smiles. This one little piece of news has made the past few weeks all worth it. The nightmare of the sleep study, the cancer scare even the hoops i have to jump through to get the surgery approved. 20 pounds is a small drop in a big big bucket but its a start.
     So all in all it was a great week. lost some weight and took out 4 tests all in one day at the hospital. Actually i was in and out of there in under 3 hours you cant beat that at all. Blood work, urinalysis, chest x-ray and ultrasound of legs all in 3 hours. P.S. legs are fine no blood clots in them at all. Next obstacle, Family Party 4th of July weekend. Yikes!! Stay tuned.

When fat becomes sick

I know i am fat, i have been fat for 25 years. However i am not one of those people who was always fat, if you look back at pictures of me as a kid you wont see a chubby little 7 yo looking for more birthday cake. See ...

My weight came on around puberty. That's a blog for another time. So although not always fat i know i am. But i was always amazed at the people I saw on TV that were bed ridden and wore sheets as haute couture. Didn't they see this coming? They must have... Well I am here to tell you it can happen and it is very very sneaky. Doctors say high blood pressure is the silent killer, wrong its obesity.
    For most of my adult life I have been fat, but quite functional. Yes, there were things i could not do anymore that i wanted to do or really enjoyed but I was still healthy. However last year while i was trying to lose weight the old fashioned way of exercising, I had a hernia ulcerate. One of the worst pains I have ever felt in my entire life. I then had to have emergency surgery to correct. That I did and recovered, however during the recovering process, the weight started to come back on. Slowly, I didn't even notice. Until i started to get tired from washing my own hair. Should I be out of breath from showering???? When did getting dressed cause me to sweat?? Oh my god! When did i go from being fat to being SICK? Walking, even the littlest walk from a car to store, became a challenge. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have your friends want to go shopping with you and you tell them you have to wait in the car because your back starts to hurt before you even get out through the parking lot?
    Well I am not going to take this, No Sir! My job has a gym I will just go back and take some of this weight off like I used to be able to do. No big deal right?? Wrong!. I got to the gym one evening, two work friends were already there. I got on the treadmill and walked about 30 seconds before i knew this was a big mistake. Sweat already forming on my head. Shame starting to form in my soul. I cant get off I JUST got on. What will everyone think? After 3 minutes it didn't matter my body was screaming I had to get off or i would fall off. I would have to think of an excuse, or just hang around and try and sneak out when no one was looking. No such luck. However I have to say my friends at work were great, they pushed me a little to try and get me back on a bike, but when they saw me struggle to even get on it they backed down. So know i just had to leave without looking anyone else in the eyes. That was when I realized just how easy it is to go from fat to sick and not even realize it. in the past few months i have felt my self getting sicker. Falling asleep at work from lack of sleep due to apnea. Giving up on exercise because it is too difficult to move such a large body. So now I understand those people who need to be cut out of the house. What I do not understand is why they let it continue.
      I will not be that person. This is why I decided the weight loss surgery had to happen. My life will not become a made for TV special. But it will be special, that i will guarantee. Come follow along...

The Concert

Back in the late 1990's, I want to say '97 or '98, my father and my (maternal) uncle were both diagnosed with Small Cell Carcinoma of the lungs. Lung cancer to you and me. At the time my parents, my brother and his family and I all lived in a big house together. Two of my nephews were born but were still pretty young, 3 & 5. Well they couldnt say cancer but they said that grampa had "the concert". A little over 2 years later and just over 24 hours apart from each other, they passed away. They lost their battle with the concert.

They are still missed to this very day.
          For the past 2 1/2 weeks I have had a little voice in the back of my mind. "Do I have it? Do I have the concert too?"  I didnt think I did. I didnt feel sick. But as i sat in that doctors office waiting for my initial visit I had to ask myself, how many people sat here asking themselves the same question to only to really be sick. Perhaps this was the last doctors office they wold ever have to visit again. I am sure many thought the same thing. "This has got to be a mistake."
      Well for my friends and family that I have not spoken to yet, for me, it WAS a mistake. The doctors dont think its anything to serious. they will continue to watch my blood and white blood cell counts but he has cleared me, at least for his part, for the procedure. One less hurdle and big sigh of relief. As much as I love music, this was once concert I am glad I missed.
                                                 RIP George Walters and Frank Granger

Two out of three aint bad...

Hello All,
     I know its been a while since my last post and I have had a few dr.s visits since then so I have been neglectful. So sorry :-). So i have been to 3 different providers (insurance jargon), I mean doctors. Actually one nutritionalist, one psychologists and one doctor. The experiences were mixed I actually enjoyed my visits with the nutionalist and the pyschologists. I must like to talk or something. Go figure! With both of these professionals we spoke about what to expect, what the diet would be like before and after surgery. What fears I had, what vitamin supplements I would need. All very pleasant and sociable, then the clouds started to gather. Now I was not going to write about the last doctors visit until I had all the results back and I was sure what was going on. However I wanted the documentation of this process to be as honest as possilble and to be honest I an nervous. No, I am scared ! Now, must people you asked would probably not know I am feeling this way because I do a good job of keeping a positive outlook. So hear it goes.
     Let me take you back almost 10 years ago when I had an emergency appendectomy. Perhaps a second chapter in my blog.;-). The surgery went well. It was done laparoscopically so healing would be quicker and I could get out of there in time to attend our yearly Halloween Party. You cant keep a good partier down!! Oh YES you can! Turns out my white blood cell count was still very high and not coming down to "normal" levels. I was in the hospital for 7 days, missed the party. But dont fret for me, some of my more caring relatives thought of me and called me from the party to tell me how much fun they were having. Thoughtful, right ? HMMPH.. Well after seeing countless physicians they decided there was nothing more to do and I just might have a  high WBC count. So I know all about this and everytime a physician asks I say I just have a high WBC count. Well the doctors at the Bariatric Center wanted me cleared and seen by a hematologist. Ok , no big deal thats a blood doctor not too scary, until I realized the actual specialty of hematologists is actually Hematolagy/Oncology. Now that's scary.
      So I go to my appointment and the tech asks me if my blood pressure is usually that high, I turn around to ass 196/98. I actually laughed to myself. I said no its no where near that high but as you might realize I an VERY NERVOUS. She then prepares me for what I think is one of the meanest procedures they do to people, the finger stick. I know its quick but they hurt. So i go into the room and wait for the doctor. now i know people say it felt like I waited for every for him blah blah blah, but I REALLY did wait a long time. The doc even apologized for the wait. I think i nodded off twice waiting for him. At first things started of pretty good I was optomistic. He said the levels were a little high but not really alarming and the percentages were actually in the normal range. Then came the big BUT  and not like a Sir Mix-A-Lot song. he wanted to rule out one thing that has some of the same symptons and people my age can have. C.M.L. or Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. I am sorry WHAT ?? I just want weight loss surgery !! How did we come to this?? Not to worry its very treatable. Not to worry?? Easy for you to say. So now what ? He says he wants to rule it out with blod tests and if the are inconclusive he can also rule it out with a bone marrow biopsy. OOO forget that, If i thought a finger prick hurt I would never survive a bine marrow test.
       So now I am waiting and sometimes I get scared. Its a lot to think about and worry. But I calm myself down by saying I have had this high WBC count for 10 years now and not a sign of being sick. So I am sure things will work out, I guess I am just worried the tests will be inconclusive and he will want the biopsy. Guess I will deal with that if it comes. For now, I have to wait until June 1st, That is my next appointment with him. Fingers Crossed.

A peaceful nights sleep

Well taking a look at my calendar you would think I was rock star with all the appointments i have in the next two weeks. Unfortunately they are all doctors appointments!. YUCK
     Since i posted last I have had a couple of things done i can check off my ever growing list of prerequisites i need for the surgery. The first thing was the sleep study test. Which, I would NEVER recommend. First of all the appointment is at 9 pm so i spend my entire day thinking about this upcoming event instead of enjoying a beautiful mothers day BBQ we had at the house. I get to the facility after a brief dispute with my GPS, on time and proceed to introduce myself to Doogie Howser tech that will be monitoring me for the night. So he proceeds to tell me what will happen and mark my head and face for the wires, this one does that , that one does this, who cares!! This one will let me know if your sleeping or awake. "Who are you, Santa?", I asked him. Well we got a laugh from the kid on that one. Now come the wires !! Now i am no fool, I realized i was going to be strapped in and have wires attached but i was NOT prepared for the actual number of wires i had on me. I looked like some 1950's B movie version of a robot or a bad Lady Gaga outfit. They were all over my head and chest and throat so moving was not an option. I got into bed and wherever i landed is where i was going to stay. It was explained to me that i would be monitored for 2 hours and if i was having apnea's i would be woken to put on a mask. Che Right !! I explained to Doogie(who's real name was Darwin) that i tried the mask once before and hated every second. Evidently he had to try it to make his bosses happy so i said fine i will try it for as long as possible. Off to bed I go. No i am laying there hot, confined and in a strange place, sounds peaceful huh? i obviously did not fall right to sleep but thought about 6 am and how much i wanted it to be here(that was checkout time). Well next thing i knew it was time to go to the bathroom. Now peeing at night is bothersome anyway, you wake up have to go then try to fall back asleep. Now try having to call for Darwin and wait for him to hear you and come disconnect your wire pack from the base. Then he handed me the back and the 50-70 wires all hanging in front of me and off i went. Now i will not get graphic here but believe me when i say going to the bathroom entwined in wires was quite a lesson in humility and embarrassment and something i never want to experience again. I just kept thinking is all of this really worth it?? Is it ? I guess I will let you know. So if going to the bathroom that time wasn't bad enough i wound up having to go 2 more times through the course of the night each time was worse than the other. Now the first time I went it was 12:15 am and Darwin said i needed to try the mask. I am not sure if anyone reading this every tried on a sleep apnea mask but i hate it. I am claustrophobic and this mask creates a seal over your mouth and nose and is tightly snapped on by large ban across the back of your head and forces air into your mouth. I only have two words for that.. Panic Attack. I had to pull it off my face as far as i could to speak and tell him to get it off. Hey you tried kiddo, you're bosses will be proud but this is not for me. So i go back to bed get up for my second pee its 2:30 am damn you elusive 6 am. So know i am laying in bed thinking ok i went to the bathroom at 2:30 it has to almost be 5 am. I look at my phone to see its only 3:15. My heart sank as i lay in that murphy bed thinking this night has to come to an end soon. finally for the third bathroom its after 4:30 ok this is good we are in the home stretch. I get back to bed and proceed to watch the clock countdown to 6. Ok Darwin where are you? Finally i call for him at 6:10 and he comes in to remove me from my electrical prison. All i want to do is get out of there and go home and take a shower. as the last of the electrodes come off i realize my head looks like something that survived the Exxon Valdez spill. Large gross lumps of "glue" as he called them but were really extra thick clumps of grease. I was never more happy to see my house and shower than i was that monday morning. Now foolish I thought i would be able to go to work that day since after all i was just going to be sleeping the night before, right ?? I am sure you guessed i called in sick and slept the entire day away.
       My next adventure was much more sedate, it was the weight loss surgery seminar which i am required to attend. This showed me all the benefits to the different surgeries and i think i have picked the right one. I am going with the Sleeve Gastrectomy. It is a little but more invasive then the band but i think its the right fit for me. They remove about 80 percent of your stomach and with that the hormones that tell you, you are hungry. So i am hoping i made the right decision. I have appointments this Thursday, Friday and Monday so I am sure you will be hearing from me soon. Love ya all