As I drove to the seminar to meet my friends I noticed what a dreary evening it was with fog and rain making the commute nerve racking at times. Despite the weather and a long draining day at work, I was excited to get to the seminar and see the doctors and staff again. I pulled into the all to familiar parking deck and parked and remembered how I felt that night I went to my first seminar back in April of this year. It seems like a hundred years ago. That night I remember walking from the parking deck and having to stop twice because I was out of breath and thought about sitting on the benches outside the entrance of the hospital (which is where the seminar is held) so I could catch my breath. The only reason I didn't was out of plain embarrassment. The people outside saw that i was only walking a matter of yards and could not stop from panting. I figured if I passed out at least I would be in a hospital lol. I smiled to myself as I walked briskly into the hospital and still breathing normally and through my nose, not hyperventilating through my gaping open mouth.
I found my two friends and we proceeded to enter the auditorium. I introduce them to the surgeons and some of the staff. I also saw that a number of former surgery patients where there. They come to share their success stories with the potential patients. They asked if I was here to speak but no not this time. Just here for moral support. As we listened to the patients speak I started to feel a sense of pride in them and myself. I realized this really is work. The surgery is nothing more than a tool and to get the best result a lifestyle change was in order and I have been doing just that .. right ? RIGHT ??? Well this is where things go south.
I started to realize that I was letting some of... ok more than a few of my old habits back into my life without even realizing. One of the bad habits they bring up in the seminars is snacking. Now right after the surgery snacking was out of the question. It just was not physically possible. But about 3 months after I was able to have a piece of chocolate or a potato chip without being stuffed. Now i have realized that I have been mindlessly increasing the snacks I have eaten through out the day. I am still losing the weight because my overall consumption of calories is still limited but I have been on this road before and I know its a steep and slippery road. I also have fallen into one of my other detrimental habits of using every excuse there is not to go to the gym. The two combine is a terrible combination.
Now one of the things that has changed with me is I am no longer feeling helpless about my choices and I know this is a lifestyle and one bad day or week is not going to throw me into a cyclone of doubt and hopelessness. In fact the seminar and my realization got me re-energized about my decision and my goals. I felt a sense of re-affirmation and I could not wait to get back to the healthy habits that have helped me lose 100 pounds since august 17th of this year. A mear 3 and a half months ago. I think every patient should get a chance to go back and remember where they started from. It will help to see just how far they have come and how far we can still go. This was not my last seminar but next time I will be one of those speaking and telling my story.
Here is a glimpse at how far I have come .. A pic from May 2011 and December 2 2011.
