Saturday, November 19, 2011

Three Random Numbers ...

511. There is nothing extraordinary about that number. Just three random numbers placed next to each other. That’s is until you add three random letters after them. LBS. All of sudden those numbers represent something. 511 lbs, that is the weight I was at my largest during my weight loss journey. It represents difficulty breathing, immobility, fatigue, inability to get a restful sleep and it also represents shame. This is the first time I have let anyone other than a medical professional in on my dirty little secret. Of course it was hardly a secret when I look back at the pictures from early in 2011. However I was trying to fool myself and everyone else I knew. Even one of my best friends who joined weight watchers with me didn’t know my exact weight. Every week we go to our meetings and tell each other what we did or didn’t lose but never was my actually starting weight discussed and I wasn’t even over 500 pounds then (but I was very close).  Just three random numbers however when said a loud, they summon gasps and “oh my goodness”. So why now am I coming out of the fat boy closet??  I am no longer embarrassed about where I came from and perhaps it will help someone else in the same place.
Today I had my 3 month doctor visit and here is what the scale has to say: from August 17th to today I have lost 86 pounds. However from June 21st to present I have lost 134 pounds. Those are some impressive numbers. However that is not what has impressed me. What does impress me is fitting into a booth at a restaurant for the first time in 10 years. For quite a long time every time I went out to dinner with friends I would have to remind them to please get a table. Even if I was able to squeeze into a booth my gut would be hanging on the table and I would be in a lot of discomfort both physically and spiritually. But on Saturday I joined a bunch of friends already at dinner and they were sitting in a very large booth and I hesitated for a moment but was able to slide right in. I didn’t say a word to anyone but I had a sense of pride and worth that I have faked on the outside for many years. Another small yet impressive event was buying a watch. Simple, no? well when you have very large wrists sometimes the answer really is no. This time the answer was yes. I walked in, picked out the watch (that looks awesome on me by the way) and walked out with it on, in fact it actually now needs to have a link removed.  I know also do not have to stop to rest when walking into work and actually find myself speeding up to catch the elevator full of people instead of slowing down so they wont see me gasping for air.
I have gained a lot of little wins by these great losses on the scale. I was speaking to Dr, Forrester today at my appointment and he asked me if I was happy. I didn’t realize how unhappy I was until I had this surgery and I told him I was very happy I choose to have my particular procedure. He told me that it would be terrible to regret choosing to have the surgery. I reminded him that for about one week about a month or so after the surgery I had “buyers remorse”. I was upset that I had lost the ability to enjoy eating. What I really lost was the ability to sit there and gorge myself. I think the philosophy of most overweight people and perhaps any addict is that a little taste good then a lot must taste even better. Thinking back I cant believe I thought that was a loss when what I gained was much greater, Life!
 Stay tuned for more.

Before Surgery 

After Surgery