Tuesday, June 21, 2011

When fat becomes sick

I know i am fat, i have been fat for 25 years. However i am not one of those people who was always fat, if you look back at pictures of me as a kid you wont see a chubby little 7 yo looking for more birthday cake. See ...

My weight came on around puberty. That's a blog for another time. So although not always fat i know i am. But i was always amazed at the people I saw on TV that were bed ridden and wore sheets as haute couture. Didn't they see this coming? They must have... Well I am here to tell you it can happen and it is very very sneaky. Doctors say high blood pressure is the silent killer, wrong its obesity.
    For most of my adult life I have been fat, but quite functional. Yes, there were things i could not do anymore that i wanted to do or really enjoyed but I was still healthy. However last year while i was trying to lose weight the old fashioned way of exercising, I had a hernia ulcerate. One of the worst pains I have ever felt in my entire life. I then had to have emergency surgery to correct. That I did and recovered, however during the recovering process, the weight started to come back on. Slowly, I didn't even notice. Until i started to get tired from washing my own hair. Should I be out of breath from showering???? When did getting dressed cause me to sweat?? Oh my god! When did i go from being fat to being SICK? Walking, even the littlest walk from a car to store, became a challenge. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have your friends want to go shopping with you and you tell them you have to wait in the car because your back starts to hurt before you even get out through the parking lot?
    Well I am not going to take this, No Sir! My job has a gym I will just go back and take some of this weight off like I used to be able to do. No big deal right?? Wrong!. I got to the gym one evening, two work friends were already there. I got on the treadmill and walked about 30 seconds before i knew this was a big mistake. Sweat already forming on my head. Shame starting to form in my soul. I cant get off I JUST got on. What will everyone think? After 3 minutes it didn't matter my body was screaming I had to get off or i would fall off. I would have to think of an excuse, or just hang around and try and sneak out when no one was looking. No such luck. However I have to say my friends at work were great, they pushed me a little to try and get me back on a bike, but when they saw me struggle to even get on it they backed down. So know i just had to leave without looking anyone else in the eyes. That was when I realized just how easy it is to go from fat to sick and not even realize it. in the past few months i have felt my self getting sicker. Falling asleep at work from lack of sleep due to apnea. Giving up on exercise because it is too difficult to move such a large body. So now I understand those people who need to be cut out of the house. What I do not understand is why they let it continue.
      I will not be that person. This is why I decided the weight loss surgery had to happen. My life will not become a made for TV special. But it will be special, that i will guarantee. Come follow along...

1 comment:

  1. Wow Jim. That there is some pretty powerful writing. Thanks for opening up and being so honest. You know I'm right here cheering you on. Still struggling to loose weight myself. Love you cuz!