almost three weeks down and so is the weight.

     Tomorrow, September 7th will be exactly 3 weeks since my surgery date. I can finally scrub my stomach in the shower and get off these scabs and whats left of the Dermabond (skin glue). The healing is under way and I am really not in any kind of pain. For the most part LOL. I am still a little tender on one of my sides especially when i yawn or breath deeply. It almost feels like i have a bruised rib. Was I beaten while I was under?? My stomach still does not look very pretty a few of the incision sites are black and blue and it looks like i was beaten with soap stuffed in a sock. However it does look much worse than it feels. I am at the "soft food" stage of my diet meaning my meals consist of scrambled eggs and tuna fish. I still have a week to go with this and I am already at the point if I don't see another scrambled egg for a year I will be quite alright. The weight however is definitely coming off. I was able to fit into a shirt that was one sizer smaller than I wear(and two sizes smaller than I should have been wearing). God knows I did not want to believe I had gone up a size back in the spring before this whole thing started. As of this morning I am down 80 pounds from my heaviest, pre-surgery and 32 pounds from the surgery date. Of course I think this is all due to the fact that I now eat like an anorexic bird.

     When I first started eating the soft foods, I thought they must have made a mistake and took out more than 85% of my stomach. My first meal consisted of one egg white and one whole egg, scrambled. I was only able to eat about half of it. REALLY?? Before the surgery that would have been topped with cheese and extra bacon and slid into a bagel. Then I would wash that down with another bacon egg and cheese on a bagel. GOD no wonder I got this way. Why didn't someone tell me to eat a salad LOL? For lunch I decided to try the tuna fish. One 5 ounce can mixed with low fat mayo , some salt , pepper, a dash of hot sauce and we are all good. Except I was only able to eat less than half of that can and was so uncomfortably full I had to sit down and relax or I thought I would be sick. There is just no way I am getting enough protein in my diet this way. Not to mention how painful it is to eat past a certain point. Really goes to show that you must take your time eating and make sure not too eat to much at once. By the third day I was able to just about finish the egg and a half but I am still amazed at how little I can physically eat. Add on the fact that I am usually not hungry and I see great success in my future.
     The only dark spot that worries me is that I do feel hungry when I know I am not. I was always an emotional eater. If I was stressed, depressed, worried or even happy food was there for it. I also eat out of boredom. This is what has been rearing its ugly head lately. I have been out of work now since 06/21/11 and sitting at home there is only so much Maury, paternity testing I can watch. I feel myself wanting, craving something to eat, just to have something to do. I am also concerned as to what will happen when stress comes back into my life and I do not turn to food. On top of all that, although this has not been an issue yet, I have to deal with the fact that I am addicted to food. There have been times when I see chocolate out at work and I say I no its not worth it, but the next thing I know I am walking away with a handful and planning on when I can go back and get more. Almost happens against my will. Looks like I wil have to find a way to strengthen my resolve. One thing that does help me control my cravings and desires is when non scale victories happen and I see that I can do this and what joy losing this weight will finally bring back to my life.
     One such victory happened yesterday. For months I had wanted to go to the zoo in Philly. However after looking at the map and seeing how far some of the parking was from the actual park. I realized I would not be able to physically walk it and then the park. However yesterday Gus and I took my two nephews Georgie and Ryan to the zoo. We parked in one of the furthest lots from the entrance. In a very "special" part of Philly too. I mean I thought I left the hood years ago and hear we were right back in it, with a bum asking us for change for the bus and everything. Now we didn't see the entire park and I was quite wiped out by the time we left but we all had a great time and I got some much needed walking done. It was an excellent day and I was proud of myself, something that hasn't happened very often in the past ten years or so. One of my souvenirs fro the trip was a T shirt Gus bought. It was the largest size they had and of course I knew i could not wear a 3X yet but it was a goal. I tried it on this morning and although I could never wear it out of the house I WAS able to actually get it on. Bring it baby!! I will be wearing it by Thanksgiving.